Final solution to my order problem

I realized that I wasn't thinking through the ultimate solution to
ensure quality support for myself.

Clearly, I don't care if anyone else gets good support, just me. I also
wanted to ensure that it my solution had the largest possible 'look at
me' factor with an appropriate ego boost.

That's what it is all about, isn't it?

So, right after the close of the NYSE, I bought all the outstanding
stock of Dell. Market cap at close was $62.07B, but I had to pay a
little premium, so it was an even $70B. Not a real problem, as I
generally keep about that much in my checking account, and my stock
broker accepts credit cards, so I now have 70 billion frequent flyer
miles.

You know Mike, though, he insisted that he be able to stay on with the
company and I thought I really needed a figurehead anyway, so I let him
stay.

It's only a two year contract though, so after that it will be renamed
Tom's computers.

In my first important decision, I decided to bring all support back to
the US. Since Vista isn't a big success, I also decided to standardize
on the most reliable and well respected consumer OS of all time.

Therefore, all computers from this point forward will ship with Windows
98 Second Edition. You know, the one where USB finally worked. Sort
of.

The other advantage of Windows 98 is that it gets rid of all these darn
DRM issues, since there wasn't any DRM back then.

Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips --
state of the 1998 art.

Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called "The
King" here on the newsgroup.

Tom aka The King

On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
wrote:

>Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
>family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips --
>state of the 1998 art.
>
>Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called "The
>King" here on the newsgroup.
>
>Tom aka The King

Tom -- yes, you are the king. Trust the nurses in your castle and
make sure you take all the pills, especially the pink and blue ones.
Be nice to the men in white :-)

I heard that it's pretty fancy there. You can even order food a day
in advance by circling just what you want -- you can even write in
that you want several diet cokes and they will come with your tray.

Please give my regards to Elvis and Napoleon.

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Journey [private.php?do=newpm&u=]
> Posted At: Tuesday, October 02, 2007 8:56 PM
> Posted To: alt.sys.pc-clone.dell
> Conversation: Final solution to my order problem
> Subject: Re: Final solution to my order problem
>
> On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
> wrote:
>
> >Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
> >family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips
> --
> >state of the 1998 art.
> >
> >Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called
> "The
> >King" here on the newsgroup.
> >
> >Tom aka The King
>
> Tom -- yes, you are the king. Trust the nurses in your castle and
> make sure you take all the pills, especially the pink and blue ones.
> Be nice to the men in white :-)
>
> I heard that it's pretty fancy there. You can even order food a day
> in advance by circling just what you want -- you can even write in
> that you want several diet cokes and they will come with your tray.
>
> Please give my regards to Elvis and Napoleon.

Elvis is a lot of fun and always has so many good looking women around
him that I'm hoping he'll share. He really has lost weight too.

Napoleon really seems to have, well, a Napoleon complex. Orders people
around and is always yelling and screaming. Usually that he doesn't
like the pudding.

"Tom Scales" <> wrote in message
news:1AAA1CF7D1144BE58A60DB7EEA20C484@M2010...
>
>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Journey [private.php?do=newpm&u=]
>> Posted At: Tuesday, October 02, 2007 8:56 PM
>> Posted To: alt.sys.pc-clone.dell
>> Conversation: Final solution to my order problem
>> Subject: Re: Final solution to my order problem
>>
>> On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
>> wrote:
>>
>> >Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
>> >family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips
>> --
>> >state of the 1998 art.
>> >
>> >Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called
>> "The
>> >King" here on the newsgroup.
>> >
>> >Tom aka The King
>>
>> Tom -- yes, you are the king. Trust the nurses in your castle and
>> make sure you take all the pills, especially the pink and blue ones.
>> Be nice to the men in white :-)
>>
>> I heard that it's pretty fancy there. You can even order food a day
>> in advance by circling just what you want -- you can even write in
>> that you want several diet cokes and they will come with your tray.
>>
>> Please give my regards to Elvis and Napoleon.
>
> Elvis is a lot of fun and always has so many good looking women around
> him that I'm hoping he'll share. He really has lost weight too.
>
> Napoleon really seems to have, well, a Napoleon complex. Orders people
> around and is always yelling and screaming. Usually that he doesn't
> like the pudding.
>
>
>


You guys are going Bubba Ho-Tep on us.

http://www.toxicshock.tv/news/wp-con...tep_poster.jpg


Stew

Tom Scales wrote:
>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Journey [private.php?do=newpm&u=]
>> Posted At: Tuesday, October 02, 2007 8:56 PM
>> Posted To: alt.sys.pc-clone.dell
>> Conversation: Final solution to my order problem
>> Subject: Re: Final solution to my order problem
>>
>> On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
>>> family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips
>> --
>>> state of the 1998 art.
>>>
>>> Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called
>> "The
>>> King" here on the newsgroup.
>>>
>>> Tom aka The King
>> Tom -- yes, you are the king. Trust the nurses in your castle and
>> make sure you take all the pills, especially the pink and blue ones.
>> Be nice to the men in white :-)
>>
>> I heard that it's pretty fancy there. You can even order food a day
>> in advance by circling just what you want -- you can even write in
>> that you want several diet cokes and they will come with your tray.
>>
>> Please give my regards to Elvis and Napoleon.
>
> Elvis is a lot of fun and always has so many good looking women around
> him that I'm hoping he'll share. He really has lost weight too.
>
> Napoleon really seems to have, well, a Napoleon complex. Orders people
> around and is always yelling and screaming. Usually that he doesn't
> like the pudding.

"If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding!" (a favorite quote)

Hi!

> I realized that I wasn't thinking through the ultimate solution to
> ensure quality support for myself.

You'll have that...

> Clearly, I don't care if anyone else gets good support, just me. I also
> wanted to ensure that it my solution had the largest possible 'look at
> me' factor with an appropriate ego boost.
>
> That's what it is all about, isn't it?

Certainly. If you think so. ;-)

> So, right after the close of the NYSE, I bought all the outstanding
> stock of Dell. Market cap at close was $62.07B, but I had to pay a
> little premium, so it was an even $70B. Not a real problem, as I
> generally keep about that much in my checking account, and my stock
> broker accepts credit cards, so I now have 70 billion frequent flyer
> miles.

Now that's my problem. I'm sure that much change has fallen into my couch
over time, but I probably can't lift it.

> It's only a two year contract though, so after that it will be renamed
> Tom's computers.

Is the Dimension staging a comeback, or will it be renamed...maybe
"Tomension"?

> Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
> family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips --
> state of the 1998 art.

Where's AMD? (Gee, that sounds...like something I heard people asking Dell
for...!)

William (worth a laugh, why not play along?)

On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
wrote:

>I realized that I wasn't thinking through the ultimate solution to
>ensure quality support for myself.
>
>Clearly, I don't care if anyone else gets good support, just me. I also
>wanted to ensure that it my solution had the largest possible 'look at
>me' factor with an appropriate ego boost.
>
>That's what it is all about, isn't it?
>
>So, right after the close of the NYSE, I bought all the outstanding
>stock of Dell. Market cap at close was $62.07B, but I had to pay a
>little premium, so it was an even $70B. Not a real problem, as I
>generally keep about that much in my checking account, and my stock
>broker accepts credit cards, so I now have 70 billion frequent flyer
>miles.
>
>You know Mike, though, he insisted that he be able to stay on with the
>company and I thought I really needed a figurehead anyway, so I let him
>stay.
>
>It's only a two year contract though, so after that it will be renamed
>Tom's computers.
>
>In my first important decision, I decided to bring all support back to
>the US. Since Vista isn't a big success, I also decided to standardize
>on the most reliable and well respected consumer OS of all time.
>
>Therefore, all computers from this point forward will ship with Windows
>98 Second Edition. You know, the one where USB finally worked. Sort
>of.
>
>The other advantage of Windows 98 is that it gets rid of all these darn
>DRM issues, since there wasn't any DRM back then.
>
>Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
>family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips --
>state of the 1998 art.
>
>Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called "The
>King" here on the newsgroup.
>
>Tom aka The King
>
>


Tom, now I know you've been watching "too much television" and
haven't woken up yet.

You remind me of my wife. She told me once she had a dream that she
won a lot of money and being the type of person she is, in her dream
was already planning how much she would distribute to charities (my
wife is religious), family, etc... till she woke up and just for a
moment while awaken, was still doing it till she realized it was just
a dream. I call this a nightmare in reverse.... you wake up to find
you don't have all the money you thought you had and worst than that,
married to me !!

On Tue, 2 Oct 2007 20:07:17 -0400, "Tom Scales" <>
wrote:

>I realized that I wasn't thinking through the ultimate solution to
>ensure quality support for myself.
>
>Clearly, I don't care if anyone else gets good support, just me. I also
>wanted to ensure that it my solution had the largest possible 'look at
>me' factor with an appropriate ego boost.
>
>That's what it is all about, isn't it?
>
>So, right after the close of the NYSE, I bought all the outstanding
>stock of Dell. Market cap at close was $62.07B, but I had to pay a
>little premium, so it was an even $70B. Not a real problem, as I
>generally keep about that much in my checking account, and my stock
>broker accepts credit cards, so I now have 70 billion frequent flyer
>miles.
>
>You know Mike, though, he insisted that he be able to stay on with the
>company and I thought I really needed a figurehead anyway, so I let him
>stay.
>
>It's only a two year contract though, so after that it will be renamed
>Tom's computers.
>
>In my first important decision, I decided to bring all support back to
>the US. Since Vista isn't a big success, I also decided to standardize
>on the most reliable and well respected consumer OS of all time.
>
>Therefore, all computers from this point forward will ship with Windows
>98 Second Edition. You know, the one where USB finally worked. Sort
>of.
>
>The other advantage of Windows 98 is that it gets rid of all these darn
>DRM issues, since there wasn't any DRM back then.
>
>Hopefully you'll speak highly of this acquisition to your friends and
>family and order our latest models, complete with 90mhz Pentium chips --
>state of the 1998 art.
>
>Oh, one last thing, From this point forward, I prefer to be called "The
>King" here on the newsgroup.
>
>Tom aka The King
>
>

I forgot, can you give me Mike's number in case he needs some work
after he losing his job. I probably have some work around the house,
if he's interested and I'm not that far from him <g>.

Tom Scales wrote:

> So, right after the close of the NYSE

See, I would have believed you based on your past honesty but Dell is on
the NASDAQ so I know you made this up.

Bob

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bob Levine [private.php?do=newpm&u=]
> Posted At: Thursday, October 04, 2007 10:17 AM
> Posted To: alt.sys.pc-clone.dell
> Conversation: Final solution to my order problem
> Subject: Re: Final solution to my order problem
>
> Tom Scales wrote:
>
> > So, right after the close of the NYSE
>
> See, I would have believed you based on your past honesty but Dell is
> on
> the NASDAQ so I know you made this up.
>
> Bob

They close at the same time