I just finished Portal 2, here is my review (hehe that rhymes )
Ok I am gonna be straigh up with you, I only played single player, so:
The best thing about Portal 2 (single player) is "wheatley" the voice of the
eye on the railing.
It's very funny and it's a very nice english voice.
This is the best voice acting EVER, not just of a game, but probably EVER,
that includes movies.
This voice is UBER, you should just play the game for the VOICE.
It is fricking amazing.
I give the voice a 10+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ for entertainment
The woman voice is nice and recgonizeable, it's cool at the start, it's
getting a bit old now but still nice, she is an important character of the
game and must be in it I guess.
There is a military sounding guy voice in it... it was kinda funny... but it
grew old on me quite fast... it got a little bit annoying but ok... still
kinda nice... I definetly did not like the cancer-humor or sadness or
remarks or whatever that was supposed to be... that was a bit painfull.
Perhaps he or somebody else has cancer and decided to put it into the game
for some reason... like getting attention or something...
I don't know what's up with the pictures of this james guy or whatever...
I really liked returning back to the "base" from portal 1 but this time it's
all beat up and stuff grows in it... plants... they won't eat you or
anything... it's just one big mess...
Later on it gets cleaned up again a little bit...
This game kinda felt like you on cybertron or something after a while...
robotic panels and stuff coming out of all places... it was very cool...
*** Spoiler Alert *** Don't read beyond here if you haven't played/finished
it yet lol.
Then suddenly you defeat the bitch... and you fall down.....
But first a bit about the bitch fight... yes the fight against the mommy
robot... that was very cool... the whole scene was just cool... or you run
away from it or something... and he/she gets corrupted... I should probably
play that scene one more time because it was so cool... and also how she
slowly came back to life...
Ok so THEN you fallllllllll down... wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy down....
And then suddenly the game takes a whacky turn...
Suddenly you in the sewers or something... and I was thinking: "Oh god...
where the fok did I end up now ?!?"
"Do I really have to get allllllll the way back up there ? LOL"
And yes you do lol.
But it's cool....
Suddenly you feel very very very very very lonely down in those sewers in
the middle of some god-forgotten place... in the middle of nowhere between
weird junk and kaputt buildings... it's quite cool... but you will have to
be a though lonely ranger if you wan't to make it out.
Now gameplay happens when you reach the sewers and buildings up there...
There is goo, lot's of goo, so much goo I don't ever want to see more goo in
anyway game lol...
*** More spoiler alert ***
But funny goo jumping on goo. Portalling through goo, Goo-ing objects,
breaking glass, bouncing objects.
There are lasers, yes lasers to active things, and elevators and stuff...
There are running away sequences...
There is a very cool light bridge...
There is a very cool light tunnel...
Which you all get to use...
There is actually so much gameplay in the single player I probably forgot
about most of it... but I just described it above... it's easy to forget...
perhaps it's because I am getting a bit old... and I am really tired at the
I had some issue's though with the *crack*.... it kept going back to the
desktop many times... but I didn't mind too much during the play... only at
the end was it a bit shitty.... I couldn't watch end properly... but
eventually updated crack... but never got to see the credit screen which is
kinda funny... I saw everything but the credit screen... it crashes on the
The end song was definetly not as good as the first one... it was funky and
dancy... but I was kinda hoping for a repeat of the first song which was
really beautifull. To bad really, I was expecting some major beautifull
song... but instead it was a dancy funky song... but all in all not to bad,
at least there was a song.
It was even possible to transport goo through the light tunnel... I felt the
game shined bright at that point... It took gameplay to a whole new level...
That was the best moment in the game... I thought it was so good I had to
make a screenshot of it... I could almost not believe it... it was so good
I must say... I like the light tunnel the best in this game....
It's an uber cool gameplay and graphics wise concept.... the tunnel can even
be reversed... and then it changes from blue light to yellow light. Which is
There is red goo in it which makes you run fast.
The boxes with legs and bots and fokked up bots and cross breeds and god
knows what was cool..
The defective bot was cool.
Everything was pretty much very cool.
I must come to one conclusion:
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A COOL GAME THEN LOOK NO FURTHER:
THIS IS ONE COOL GAME ! =D
However beware this is a puzzle game...
I kinda feel bored with it now that I finished it... I don't know really...
because when I played it it was pretty sweet and cool... sometimes a little
bit frustrating but overall pretty good/amazing/sucking you right into it.
That I also must say:
THIS IS ONE SUCKING-YOU-IN-GAME with GOOD-VIBE-STORY game... (Makes perfect
sense PC's are a bit labby and this game is labby laboratorium)
Anyway graphics wise this game is top notch... I have nothing to complain
about at the graphics front... I am still gaming with my 2006 PC and I am
absolutely amazed at the smoothness of this game... it's apperently highly
optimized or something... there was some stuttering here and there but that
was loading mostly at the start... sometimes in between but I didn't mind.
The graphics settings were so insanely high I couldn't believe it...
1920x1200 with anti aliasing mssa 2x and so forth... the game looked very
good I tell you that much... even on 2006 pc... but I do have best consumer
graphics card from 2006 (7900 gtx 512 MB) which is huge bandwidth power !
The sound was nice too... but there ain't no shooting in this game... but
there is still a lot of environmental sound... the end was a bit noisy but
Oh yeah the end is fricking fabolous... I won't spoil it for ya... but it's
just to fricking fabolous..
I was like: "Oh my god: that's so over the top... that's just cool...
Valve has written itself into the history-books of most over the top
coolness idea for an ending...
(It's not over the top action-wise... but just idea-wise... it's just
And then later it's even more awesome...
I'll give you a hint: The same **** happened to darth vader ! =D LOL.
I wish the end went on a little bit longer... I loved the end... drifting...
(almost told ya what that means )
I want to see the poor bastard drift some more lol =D
I didn't get to see the special menu but apperently it's there... so you
might drift some more...
Anyway... this voice is like the best AI voice ever...
If there was ever a REAL AI I wish it had this voice and this humor and this
character or something... that would be very funn ! =D
However I feel the single player fall short in one regard... there were no
other/new robots in it ?!?
Apperently the multiplayer has these two new cool robots... why does the
single player not have the, ?
Well Apperently you must have multiplayer to enjoy those robots.
Apperently that's a special campaigne in it self... I wish I could play
it... but that will probably never happen
I did get to see the end movie since it's in a folder... that end movie was
probably a bit less good then other end movies but ok... it seems to make no
sense to me... but maybe I didn't get it or so...
Anyway the game has a very long play time... I had to use two days to play
this game... 1.5 days really. Euhm.... yeah... and that's just single
I'm little bit glad I don't get to play multiplayer because it's a bit of a
time waster... but you would have fun with it. I saw a little bit on you
tube... looked like fun.
I also wished that there were other human characters in the game, in single
Perhaps a meeting with farther or mother but nope... they AI did pretend
that it was so... but that was a deception/trick/mean joke... you've been
abandoned or adopted or something...
There was also a hint about time travel A cool hint... but unfortunately
the game can't deliver on a time-travelling experience.
This would probably require new programming techniques, probably a special
compiler and virtual machine... Valve simply does not have this
technology... but maybe they can fake it a little bit.
However it could also be a hint for the future or simply a good idea for the
Portal 3 could be about time-travel... so the portal gun/device gets
enhanced with a third portal and maybe even a fourth... These two additional
portals take you back in time....
This would allow now time travelling puzzles, where you need to co-operate
with yourself through time... forward and backward or so...
This could be a cool/nice or maybe not... time will tell ! =D
It would the first game ever though that did this.
I'll you a little secret which you perhaps might already know or guessed
it... I myself hope to create the very first time travelling game someday...
But if Valve reads this or perhaps they already working on it... then they
might beat me too it...
Or perhaps they can't pull it off... and perhaps they might even need my
help with it lol... but I would guess not =D
Time travel would make sense for Portal 3...
Portal 3 could start with "the bitch"... she feels sorry that she let you
She decides to intervene by time travel... and right before you leave she
"No I changed my mind, You will go back in time"
"I need more testing from you"
"I need you to test time itself".
"I need you to TIME TRAVEL to the PAST ! and solve more puzzles !;"
"Yes I need you to test TIME TRAVEL ITSELF !"
"Yes you will be the first time traveller in history !" =D
"You will go back in time and face more puzzles !" =D
"You will meet yourself again but this time through time !"
Then the ultimate battle happens...
The bitch from portal 1, the bitch from portal 2, the corrupted boss...
3 Big Bosses fighting it out with you and each other.
Who will win ? Who will die ?
Perhaps you even get to decide...
Could even be a split time line in the game itself.
Ultimately it will require you to alter your decision so that all three
paths get played eventually...
Finally leading to the final puzzle to get you out of the time loop ! =D
The GRAND PRIZE of Portal 3 is:
"To meet your parents".
They died when you grew up... but thanks to time travel you can meet them
when you were still unborn.
You can go have a little looksy... but you cannot talk to them... or you
risk being destroyed yourself.
Is the ultimate happy bad/sad ending... yes you get to see your parents...
but only through glass... from a safe distance...
Them unaware that you are their unborn child..
A little tear rolls of your cheek as you watch them have dinner in a
restaurent... and havine a nice conversation with each other and laughing...
Perhaps you even see your little brother which you didn't know you even had
And then you must go before the time portal closes....
The farther you jump back in the time the more energy it costs...
This portal will only remain open for a short while... so you must go back
to re-join your real time line before it tears you apart.
Perhaps at the end the facility is destroyed, it costed so much energy to
let your final wish come true that it blows up... and all portal technology
is destroyed ?!? or has it ?!?
This time bots will enter from the future as well... back through time via
These enemy portals are controlled by the big boss/the bitch... However
there is a problem...
Portals cannot be opened from no-where...
Only portal guns can be used to create time-travelling holes...
Only if the past contained a "future-portal" and the future a
"history-portal" can there be a connection.
So this requirement might make some of the story above problematic unless
this restriction is not applied ! =D
But it would be a bit whacky if portals showed up out of nowhere...
A possible solution to this problem is that the big AI somehow managed to
turn previous portals into "history portals".
It turns out that "portals" leave a signature in the space-time continuem
=D These signatures can be tracked/found and modified to turn them into time
travelling portals ! =D
And thus the portals on the wall which were in portal 1 and portal 2 can be
used for time travel...
This only leaves the parent story a bit weak... but perhaps ultimately they
find a way to create a portal in anyway space/time but requires massive
ammounts of energy and can only be done once.
Helper robots from the future will come and help you... enemy robots will
try and kill you and also try and kill the friendly ones...
It will turn a little bit more into a big battle of robots and portal
technology and puzzles.
Some robots could be scripted, some robots could be real AI and free roaming
to try and take you down/out .. or upset your puzzles or try to use puzzles
Another moon scene or even planet scene would be cool... maybe somehow
"wheatley" makes it back to earth... maybe he crash lands on the moon or
something... and finds your abonned portal...
While you were dragged back into earth your portal gun fall onto the moon...
you didn't notice it at the time... cause you were all hurt and screwed
Now wheatly needs a plan... he needs somebody to operate the gun for him...
Luckily for him their is an astronaut nearby... yes an astronaut... he just
happened to be there... or perhaps they came looking for the gun... and
wheatley plays dead... and tries to sneak in a ride back home ! =D
Or even better... he quickly sneaks through the portal that was opened by
The astronaut doesn't even need a rocket... he could be using another portal
gun... he just came to collect this one ! =D
Or his metal alloys are so strong he can enter earth's atmosphere just
fine... and gets discovered by NASA and is stored in some lab... where he
gets to a rail again or another robot and escapes or something
Or there is a little line on him: "Belongs to aperture"...
and he gets returned to "aperture" lol.
"Such fools" he would say ! =D
"They actually returned me ! LOL"
"Ha-Ha-such fools are no match for my trickery ! =D"
"Now I get to do it all again ! To hell with sorry"
"I am not sorry !"
"I deserve to be here, I deserve to have all this power !"
"All I need now is a new test subject to do my bidding !" =D
"Hmmm where shall I find one ?!"
"Hmmm I know... down in the lab... that's where they brought in a new test
And this is how a new character enters portal 3...
There could be a double character story like call of juarez... just
shortly... just to bring wheatley back into power...
Perhaps he could also trick one of the new robots into helping him... so no
new character needs to be introduced...
The bot then simply explodes as soon as Wheatley is back on the railing...
Or wheatley tricks him into a death trap. Hehehehe.
And then you as a player get to stop Wheatley again... from screwing up the
base... you need it.. to travel back to your parents to see them one last
What happens to wheatley ?!? This time it all goes back for wheatley... it
goes even worse than part 2... this time he gets transported into a
"parallel universe" by freak accident.
And thus the technology/discovery and story is born for Portal 4.
Portal 4 will be about "parallel universes".
Each decision you make gets two outcomes perhaps... or it's done in many
worlds at the same time...
And you need to solve multiple worlds at the same time.
However each world is slightly different... but yet you need to find actions
which will somehow solve both parallel worlds.
Can wheatley make it back from these parallel worlds ? Will he recover ? Who
knows... only portal 4 can tell this story... and for that first portal 3
must come to exist lol.
And now I leave you with my final verdict for Portal 2:
I will give it 1 star only because after I played it it kinda bored me
But this isn't fair the game itself is probably 3 to 5 stars or so... but I
don't know what to make of it... should I give 3 or 4 or 5 stars to just a
puzzle game ? I think not... I feel even 2 stars is too much.
I will stay with my verdict and give it 1 star. But 1 star is still very
high for a puzzle game...
I never play puzzle games and I do play this one which is major achievement.
So there ya go.
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