One day I heard that Christian Slater was coming to my little town to sign\nYankee hats at waffle house. so after I finished eating my nightly\nbreakfast of ground chuck and vegan chicken patties, I hopped in my '57\nNissan Accord and took off to Ihop. after hanging around Ihop for an hour\nor nine, Batman happened in and reminded me that Christina Slater was at the\nwaffle house, not Ihop. I felt a little silly, but Batman made be a bouquet\nof excited chipmunks from his origami utility belt, and I felt much more\nlike a falling ham sandwich. so off I went in my truck, driving through the\nthick drizzly chocolate and moose eyes that comprised the fiendishly yellow\nroad. I would latter understand that it was just Beneficiary. suddenly, a\ndomesticated shopping cart mildly jogged out in front of my van! and wow!\nso after I stayed a few nights at the Sheraton Grande, I continued my angst\njourney of anguishing non-peril. I finally saw the waffle house through the\nopaque bugsheild of my SUV. it was already morning, so I felt like having\ndinner. I went inside, shot Wally in the head (don't worry, everyone\nshoots Wally in the head), and ordered the Pheasant under house-arrest and a\nbottle of lima-bean Quick. at my table's hand, I saw a nice violin, so I\npicked it up with my nose and began to play Aqua-lung. Christian Slater\nreally liked that, so he let me have anal intercourse with Sandra Bullock\nwhile her ate a Pioneer Stereo System. I told him that VCR's digest better,\nbut noooo. he had to be the fucking big shot. so I ran outside to my\nMustang and got out a bowel of slightly used deodorant sticks and went back\ninside. Sandra ran out screaming and stole some four-year-old handicapped\ngirl's mustache trimmer and fled to Germany. I thought that was\ndistasteful, so I urinated in a cup and threw it at an old lady walking her\nsuper-sized French poodle named Fuckhead. we all had a good laugh, and I\nput away the deodorant and decided to let Christian Slater be Zestfully\nclean on his own terms. after that, I shot and killed everyone in the place\nwith a baseball pitching machine filled with Pokemon toys, then I set myself\non fire with a two day old meatloaf. after I died, I went home and wrote\nthis in my own semen on a hanky that Diana Ross had given me for my\ngraduation from NAMBLA's school for cute, special boys.\nThe beginning.