K7T Turbo MSI-6330 - No Audio Device Detected!!! ARRRRRG!!!

Here I go.

MSI-6330 K7T Turbo VER.3
Windows XP SP2 w/ latest updates as of a few days ago.
AC'97 Onboard Sound

Windows both will and will not detect the onboard audio device on my mother and any working pci sound card I plug into this motherboard. Windows will detect the hardware and automatically install the driver for it (or anything I select), but will not detect it anywhere else on the system. IE... when I go into Control Panel->Sound, Speech and Audio Devices->Sounds and Audio Devices under the volume or audio tabs there are no audio devices to select even when Windows has detected and installed drivers for them.

Depending on what program I attempt to play sounds with determines the error. Here are some examples of the errors.

Winamp "Could not create directsound object"
Winamp before I uninstalled the directsound output plugin would say "DirectSound output error 2.43(D).... error 88780078..." or something like that. Those error cards are exact though, I have memorized them.

Have read 30+ posts where people have the exact same problem, but nothing will fix this. So far I have:

Enabled on-board sound in BIOS.
Downloaded + installed latest directx.
Updated Windows to date.
SEARCHED FOR AND INSTALLED EVERY POSSIBLE F*&^ING DRIVER THERE IS.
Used 4 plastic screws out of 6 possible slots (read somewhere this is a possible grounding issue).
Uninstalled and SEARCHED FOR AND INSTALLED EVERY POSSIBLE F*&^ING DRIVER THERE IS 9 MILLION TIMES.=)
Went out and bought a new PCI audio sound card. Same problem persisted.

I don't want to reinstall windows because that just force me to use an older version of Windows that I could never update.... and If I would have to then I couldn't use any sound then. The thing that REALLY pisses me off is that about 50,000 people + me have this problem, but there is no fix for this anywhere.... WTF is the deal?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I picked the sound drivers off of the MSI website and countless other.... is it possible the hardware component itself is damaged? This all happened after I installed a Sabrent sound card. link here http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.asp?Item=N82E16829130001

As soon as I installed that card with the drivers provided on the disk, windows started crashing. So I booted up in Safe mode w/ networking and uninstalled it and all files related to it. Everything was fine EXCEPT...... well you get it.

CAN ANYONE HELP ME!!!!!?!?!???!?!?